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August 19, 2004

Dear Friends in Christ,

"...Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done..."

Unfortunately, this past week was a lesson in how hard it is to live that part of Our Lord's prayer and how easy it is to take back from Our Lord's hands and care all that I have placed there. Let me explain.

A week ago Monday things were looking so good that the "team" in IPOP (outpatient) was talking about releasing me. The next day Terry and Randi and Steph and I decided to take a little trip to the aquarium down on the Inner Harbor. When we got back home I had a call from the IPOP folks saying they needed me to come to the IPOP immediately. They had discovered an infection in my blood (probably caused by the Hickman catheter) and needed me there to begin a high-powered dose of antibiotics. Needless to say I was really bummed by this development. Two days later the hammer really fell. They had identified the infection as a particularly dangerous one that would require hospitalization. On the day they were going to send me to discharge class they were sending me back to the hospital. Here's where the real problems started. I became very short and testy (hard to believe, huh?) with everybody. Depression started to set in immediately. Why? Because, I realized the next day, I had taken back from the Lord what I had placed there so many months before: My absolute gift of myself and trust in Him for my healing, well-being, confidence, and hope throughout. One little sign of trouble and disappointment and I was going to handle it myself - and not in a very productive way! Talk about 2 steps forward and one step back! Not only in my physical life but in my spiritual life as well. But here's the good news: The Father didn't abandon me in this time but drew even nearer to strengthen, lift up, and move forward. Each time I wanted to bemoan my setback He reminded me of the so many obstacles we had overcome together. Such love! Such comfort!

Now for news of today. The infection is under control; the Graft Versus Host Disease seems to have been reigned in; my doses of steroids have been tapered and will end in about 10 days. And how about this: the bone marrow biopsy reveals NO CANCER! (DNA results take a little longer.) Today I go to IPOP for more treatment followed by a DISCHARGE CLASS (not to Memphis yet but to my attending physician here in Baltimore - one step at a time, folks). I'll be on another week of IV antibiotics just to make sure the infection is gone and then another 5-6 weeks with the attending. After that...well, maybe early October will see me back home at St. Paul.

So, that's where I am right now. A little slip up in "Wait on the Lord; be of good courage; He will strengthen thine heart.", but Our Lord is so forgiving and ready to welcome back. Continue to support Fr. Tagg and Fr. Murray. We are so fortunate to have men like them ready and willing to serve in whatever capacity they are asked - regardless of their own needs or desires. Continue to pray for all priests and for the whole Church - it's a difficult time. Know that you are all in my prayers every day. I long for the day when I will hear again the joyful sounds of our choirs giving praise and glory to God and we are all gathered around that one table that is our eternal life!

Peace and Love

Fr. Rick